i want to blog, in the worst way.

about nothing and everything.

these few words that i will spill into this post would be better utilized in the english paper i should be writing instead. however, im apparently procrastinating.

im going to tell you something:

Romans 12:3For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

this is something that has been in my head a lot recently. for good reason, im sure.

this might make no sense at all.

i was recently talking to someone who mentioned something that to me, is a complete waste of time. entertainment, none the less… and not “wrong”…. just in my opinion, non-constructive.

so does everything that we do have to be constructive? i wonder if my mentality was skewed when i was growing up. not that it means its a bad thing, but i tend to analyze everything in terms of what needs correcting or improving. what is or is not beneficial as though everything that is done needs to be so. i never really learned how to relax. how to just rest. and while all of my time isnt necessarily used in a focused direction (ie: random bits of time dispersed on internet, talking on phone, doing this that etc) there isnt a piece of time that i have set to the side to be my ‘time of rest’. and i need that.

lately it has seemed as though the days have muddled together, get up go to work, get up go to school, get up go to work, get up go to school, get up go to work, get up go to work, get up go to church. that is literally my week – and then it starts all over again.

i know it seems as though ive gone into different directions, here, huh? and i dont really have the desire to draw the connection.

“because beards are tough!” bradley hathaway just came onto my music player in the background, lol “i want to BE loved and HAVE love and GIVE love. and not just that romantic kind either. although i am looking for that beauty. not helpless, but WANTS to be rescued.”

Strength and honor are her clothing

[Not] living in the hindsight

have you ever been caught in a moment that you realize the mistake you just made(past tense)? and you consider how hindsight is always 20/20? well today, i realized something: i need to slow down. and not just in my car, but in many areas of my life. yea yea, i know… this definitely isnt the first time that ive ‘realized’ this, but today – im paying attention. and tomorow, i will be paying attention. and the day after? i will be paying attention. i need to slow down, and just pay attention. this is how you do not live in the hindsight. so often, we are racing through life and not taking the pre-cautionary steps needed in order to maintain a successful stride… and then when we wreck, or get a ticket, or hit a pothole which blows our tire out we think how clearly it seems in the hindsight. well i dont want to live in the hindsight. i want to slow down and make sure that im paying attention as im going along so that i can confidently say that i live life in the 20/20 head on and not in the hindsight.

but i cant slow down, without re-prioritizing. and there are definitely some things that just arent going to make the list. one of those non-list making things is blogging, but certainly is not going to be the only thing re-adjusted to accomodate for more important things. so, until i talk to you again…

1 Timothy 4:12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. 14 Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. 15 Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 16 Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Strength and honor are her clothing

is ignorance really bliss?

obviously not. but here are my thoughts on the matter, they may be somewhat scattered but this subject has been running through my head recently in regards to nothing inparticular, just random.

ever met someone who was always right. or someone who was always negative. or someone who was consistently impatient. etc etc etc? and to make matters worse, maybe its a person with whom you felt comfortable enough to address said issue… but they are so naive, or ignorant, or not self-aware enough to recognize what it is that youre saying.. even when you break it down (like legos)? what if that person were you?

i ask a lot of questions. and i am always asking myself questions. second checking myself, especially in areas that i think it may be easy to live in denial. its something that my mom always said as i was growing up “ignorance is bliss” except im sure there were some pretty nasty adjectives thrown in there, and the statement was deff made in reference to other people who were ohso much more dysfunctional than she, after so many years of effective therapy. ha!

anyways. so i think in regards to patience and diligence. how self-aware am i really being in these matters(and more). and in part, this may go back to that entire “be exceptional” idea that i have. i want to be the best that i can be, and i dont want to be sitting back thinking that i am doing my best when in all reality i am just lacking the pursuit of what it is that i want to be… and completely ignorant.

Strength and honor are her clothing