a matter of decision.

yesterday, i was at work thinking about… relationships.

some of you may never have experienced this, but there is something that happens in a relationship that is not uncommon. you are with someone for however long you are with them and one day you may or may not realize.. that that spark which used to be so strong between the two of you is not so strong any more. you meet someone,… maybe at work, maybe at a coffee shop, maybe… at church? regardless, you meet someone – and you connect. suddenly you are reminded of that spark that you experienced with your significant other because it seems like you are experiencing it again! you and this person talk for hours and hours, never ceasing to make conversation, they totally GET you! you never knew you could meet someone with whom you are so compatible,… its crazy… you just connect.

hopefully, if this has ever happened to you… it has only happened once. and if it happened AFTER you were married!?!? i sure hope you made the right decision.

SO. let me tell you what that is. that whole “wow were so connecting and i cant beleive this,…i havent experienced this since me and my ’significant other’ first got together but we seem to have lost this… this… connection”

that “connection” is emotion. which, if left to me to define, i would do so as “fickle and fleeting” — emotions, they cannot be trusted.

but,… is love an emotion? can you not trust love? well, i dont beleive that love is an emotion,… i believe that “its a decision. so many people think that love is an emotion, but emotions are so fickle and fleeting;;; if you love someone, you are choosing to be there with and for them… choosing not to leave, choosing not to hurt[them], and choosing to fight for whatever needs to be fought for.” this is how i defined it recently in a survey on fb – and i think its very fitting.

i think that love is so often considered as the emotion, “ooooh, im sooo in loveee with you” when really it is the commitment.

if a relationship were the structure of a house, then love would be the foundation — and emotions? they would be the decorations. yea, of course… a house just isnt the same without decorations. without decorations, a house would be very empty and dull. can you imagine your home.. before you ever moved in – the walls were bare, every inch of space was uninhabited so that in each room you could see from corner to corner as well as the middle? you know that cold, chilly feeling that empty space creates? because theres nothing in it to make it warm?… yes yes. emotions are definitely necessary. but they are not what keeps the house from falling down. they are not the stronghold that will make its claim in 50 years,.. because decorations? they fade. and they go out of style, and they are simply there to make the foundation more exciting.

so, love is a decision. annnnd, im done.

Strength and honor are her clothing

having a heart of faithfulness.

tonight, i am thinking about a lot of things.

thinking about a relationship with God, and what exactly that means.
….and my thoughts are wandering into how a relationship with God parallels to a relationship with our significant others.

does God expect us to be perfect? no. why is that? because we arent, we cant, and we never will be. it would be an unrealistic expectation. So what does he expect us to be then? faithful. but wait…. faithfulness isnt the same things as “being good” ie:perfect ?
…….my answer? i dont think it is. i think that having a heart of faithfulness is equal to having the desire to be what God wants us to be. so even when we mess up, even when we are not perfect, even when we experience those shortcomings that we are bound to experience in our flesh, we can admit them, ask for forgiveness and pursue faithfulness. because that is our heart.

Strength and honor are her clothing

step 1.

seven months ago, i met someone who… little did i know, would become such a part of my life. today, i had to say goodbye as he left to go fight with his fellow marines in afghanistan. i never knew that i would care about this war so much, let alone about a marine; i used to have such perceptions about men and military. to me, they were all obnoxious and arrogant, holding no respect for women or morals for themselves. then came along andrew, who skewed my perceptions beyond belief: i never knew that i could find someone who made me feel like i didnt have to make up for having a child. it was never something that i had even considered- i just figured that having a child was baggage and was only hoping to find someone who could/would put up with it, etc etc. he has been all that i ever hoped for and more. today was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do, but even in that… i still had this kind of feeling like, “well, theres nothing i can do about it, so im just gonna do it, and lets get it over with” — thats what i said when i went in to be induced for child-birth. “c’mon! lets do this.” — however, unlike childbirth this isnt going to be over in 3 hours. my grandmother used to say ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ – im not sure how much more fond my heart can become but… i suppose we have up to 10 months to find out. this is my step 1. i will keep you updated. i know theres a lot more to come, but i want to do my part on this end in regards to speaking life over him and having a vision for the end result. i want to write some confessions that will be relevant to his circumstances over there and will post them once completed.

Strength and honor are her clothing