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crying out for some relief,
and i keep breaking my own heart
giving up on my resolve,
i keep trying but i keep failing
this all seems so familiar,
i think we’ve been here once before,
i’m saying sorry once again,
i’m saying sorry once again

i can’t breathe (everything i do is useless)
i can’t do this on my own (i’m fading)
too many times i’ve left in silence
this time i won’t give up so soon

i remember the first time i ever heard this song, it completely threw me into tears. even though i had never heard it before, the lyrics were quite familiar to my heart. do you ever feel like youre doing this? breaking your own heart. setting yourself up for failure,… continually a disappointment? i feel like it has been quite some time since i have disconnected myself from the ritualism of this mode, but occasionally i still feel it there. as though its lingering in the background, taunting me. desperate to grab my attention.

maybe this makes no sense? but if youve ever experienced a time in your life when you felt like a continual failure then you can probably relate. does any of this sound familiar to you? –>“how to live a failure proof life” i wish that i had actually heard all of this message series. edit: i wish that i had been paying attention enough to know that this message series isnt over. ;) going to listen to the CD’s and catch up… so, i think im done.

Strength and honor are her clothing

Week 0

i am going to label this week, Week 0. how ironic is that? i dont even like labels. i guess it may make sense if i had been counting down until the time that school were to start, but i havent. but im going to start counting up, and since this isnt officially Week 1, i will call it Week 0. and now the world makes sense? or at least my title.

so this week, i am uber tired. because that wonderful sleep schedule that i had worked out,.. didnt stay around for long. my body just doesnt want to go to sleep at 9 pm. if you have any suggestions, id love to hear them. tylenol pm makes me feel like bugs are crawling under my skin.

also in new this week: if you didnt hear, i “burned” my hands on a set of metal monkey bars… which i suppose were so hot that they blistered and tore the skin from my palms within the time that it took me to get to the end of them,… and i didnt even realize it? strange, i know. check out the pic, its nasty. i also opened the car door in such a convenient manner that it hit me in the eye, which then bruised and now appears as though i have an abusive husband. i locked both my keys and my phone in my car at sheetz on monday. i locked only my keys in my house this morning. it has been the eventful week.

theres something else, but i dont want to tell you about that yet. what i DO want to tell you about however is… this summer i have more than ever, i think, since being on my own at least.. just been living in the moment. i understand this isnt something that can be done forever, this is a season. and one that i have been and will continue to embrace. in some ways, it has been challenging.. because im such a planner, such a “lets stop and consider all possible options before making a move” kind of person, a “lets put everything on the table and organize” kind of person. but it has also been rewarding, because i have done more(for myself) this summer than i think i have ever done in such a relatively short period of time. i have been to so many shows, and to the beach, days at the park, out with friends, reading books, working on art projects, making video’s, meeting new friends, catching up with old ones… i feel like ive had the time of my life and i was completely in the moment when that is such a difficult thing for me to do. this season is certainly not over,.. in fact it may just be beginning. but if there is anything i will say for sure concerning it, it is that i will be living in the moment and enjoying each and every bit of it.

have you ever stopped to feel your heart beat?

i mean, like really. can you hear the sun shine?

did i mention either.. that i found a job? every online site except for wordpress and i pretty much love it. not for the reasons that you may typically love a job; its not all that pretty or exciting :) — but its exactly what i wanted and God blessed me with it. so for that my heart is grateful… its like even through the past 8 months when i was trying to make my way and figure it all out, He still had a Plan.. coming through for me.

i think im done now. bye :)

Strength and honor are her clothing

Sequoyah Prep School

is one of my new favorite bands only because i like good music :)
Sequoyah Prep School

you should listen;; they have this bluegrassy twang that makes my heart skip-a-beat just wanted to share<433
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