a matter of decision.

yesterday, i was at work thinking about… relationships.

some of you may never have experienced this, but there is something that happens in a relationship that is not uncommon. you are with someone for however long you are with them and one day you may or may not realize.. that that spark which used to be so strong between the two of you is not so strong any more. you meet someone,… maybe at work, maybe at a coffee shop, maybe… at church? regardless, you meet someone – and you connect. suddenly you are reminded of that spark that you experienced with your significant other because it seems like you are experiencing it again! you and this person talk for hours and hours, never ceasing to make conversation, they totally GET you! you never knew you could meet someone with whom you are so compatible,… its crazy… you just connect.

hopefully, if this has ever happened to you… it has only happened once. and if it happened AFTER you were married!?!? i sure hope you made the right decision.

SO. let me tell you what that is. that whole “wow were so connecting and i cant beleive this,…i havent experienced this since me and my ’significant other’ first got together but we seem to have lost this… this… connection”

that “connection” is emotion. which, if left to me to define, i would do so as “fickle and fleeting” — emotions, they cannot be trusted.

but,… is love an emotion? can you not trust love? well, i dont beleive that love is an emotion,… i believe that “its a decision. so many people think that love is an emotion, but emotions are so fickle and fleeting;;; if you love someone, you are choosing to be there with and for them… choosing not to leave, choosing not to hurt[them], and choosing to fight for whatever needs to be fought for.” this is how i defined it recently in a survey on fb – and i think its very fitting.

i think that love is so often considered as the emotion, “ooooh, im sooo in loveee with you” when really it is the commitment.

if a relationship were the structure of a house, then love would be the foundation — and emotions? they would be the decorations. yea, of course… a house just isnt the same without decorations. without decorations, a house would be very empty and dull. can you imagine your home.. before you ever moved in – the walls were bare, every inch of space was uninhabited so that in each room you could see from corner to corner as well as the middle? you know that cold, chilly feeling that empty space creates? because theres nothing in it to make it warm?… yes yes. emotions are definitely necessary. but they are not what keeps the house from falling down. they are not the stronghold that will make its claim in 50 years,.. because decorations? they fade. and they go out of style, and they are simply there to make the foundation more exciting.

so, love is a decision. annnnd, im done.

Strength and honor are her clothing

step 1.

seven months ago, i met someone who… little did i know, would become such a part of my life. today, i had to say goodbye as he left to go fight with his fellow marines in afghanistan. i never knew that i would care about this war so much, let alone about a marine; i used to have such perceptions about men and military. to me, they were all obnoxious and arrogant, holding no respect for women or morals for themselves. then came along andrew, who skewed my perceptions beyond belief: i never knew that i could find someone who made me feel like i didnt have to make up for having a child. it was never something that i had even considered- i just figured that having a child was baggage and was only hoping to find someone who could/would put up with it, etc etc. he has been all that i ever hoped for and more. today was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do, but even in that… i still had this kind of feeling like, “well, theres nothing i can do about it, so im just gonna do it, and lets get it over with” — thats what i said when i went in to be induced for child-birth. “c’mon! lets do this.” — however, unlike childbirth this isnt going to be over in 3 hours. my grandmother used to say ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ – im not sure how much more fond my heart can become but… i suppose we have up to 10 months to find out. this is my step 1. i will keep you updated. i know theres a lot more to come, but i want to do my part on this end in regards to speaking life over him and having a vision for the end result. i want to write some confessions that will be relevant to his circumstances over there and will post them once completed.

Strength and honor are her clothing

i want to learn how to argue with you.

so, a friend of mine told me the other day that they thought it was sick how much i think that life is a fairytale. HA! the irony. this married individual was trying to explain to me how marriage is not the fairytale that they were imposing i assumed life to be. trying to explain to me the struggles and imperfections that occur, which i obviously was just not understanding.

…maybe i dont get it. but maybe i do? i dont really know. since i have never actually had a relationship that i would endow the privelage of labeling as one, i may not be the best suited to say. what i do think, however.. is that relationships(n. the connection between two things or people) are not perfect. at church, they have this connect group that you must take(together) before you get married,.. it takes you through all sorts of steps including learning about love languages, learning confessions, learning about one anothers past and families past (those deep dirty things and questions that dont get brought up over tea-time conversation but that may be important to know for someone who is about to become your life partner), but one thing… that particularly struck me as interesting was that.. you learn how to argue. ever met that couple that was so completely in looooove and “perfect” for one another that.. NOPE! we have NEVER had an arguement! they say as they are beaming ear to ear. oh my, does my heart reach out to them the days after they get married and they disagree on exactly where to place the garbage can in the kitchen. the fact of the matter is, that people are different. and they will disagree. and things will not be perfect. but i think its how you handle those moments, how you learn to handle those moments together that make the difference.

so, when i meet a guy that i want to learn how to argue with? :) ill let you know.

feedback, thoughts, comments, etc on this post are highly appreciated.

Strength and honor are her clothing