just a pondersome post;;

a friend and i were discussing something that threw me into… a whirlpool of thoughts that are definitely not a new topic of consideration in my mind. the all too notorious, “can you fall from grace” and “once saved, always saved” ideas,.. is it possible to lose your salvation, and if so.. what are the boundaries? is it kind of like playing hokey pokey, youre in.. youre out… can we shake it all about? obviously if youre aware of what youre dealing with then you wouldnt want to.. but jokes aside,.. im not sure that there is a straight answer – but definitely a lot to consider.

…i mean, IS there a straight answer? something im just missing? if there is, tell me. but my opinion? is that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorow. His love for us does not change, and I dont think that we would ever be so far away that he would not accept us back such should we choose [His choice was made on the cross, 2000 years ago]. but the bible very distinctly points out that when we deny the voice of the Holy Spirit, we can deny it to the point that our spirit no longer recognizes or hears Him. whether our distance determines our salvation or lack of?… is something else that i pretty much think cannot be determined, on this earth. me? im pretty much gonna go with P. Steve’s idea that if the gates of hell cannot prevail against the church, im not just sticking my toe in… im getting alll the way in. what are your thoughts? i mean, we’ve all been there – whether its just feeling a spiritual dry spell, or literally being “away”.. even David(i think it is?) maintained a close, intimate relationship with God even in the midst of committing murder.. and adultery…? im thinking there’s hope for me yet :)

Strength and honor are her clothing.

getting back into(or out of?) the groove of things

did you know that your brain knows who you are? im not 100% sure of the anatomical explanation,.. but something along the lines of that the electro-magnetic pulses that are sent through your brain every time you think, act, react, feel, communicate create a pattern, a groove of sorts that your brain will automatically revert to in a like-situation because it remembers. everytime. so take fore instance, smoking. people who smoke when theyre under pressure are more likely to smoke again at another time under pressure, not simply because of the ‘nicotine addiction’ but because of the mental addiction. it is what you do. and your brain knows it.

so, this first week going back to school, along with work and just general other things going on in my life,… i can feel the pace quickening.. quickly! it has been my experience in the past that ive not handled it so well. take for instance while i was in management,… at first i liked the busy-ness, thats just me, i love productivity. but somewhere in there, i forgot to stop and breathe.. because you know, thats important too! some of you may have heard the infamous story of the last week before i stepped down, my assistants had called out and i was on my 6th consecutive open to close. my boss was at the store at the time, and was trying to calm me down… he had this ability to do that just with the way that he talked, lol. he said to me “nichole youre just tired,.. you need to get some sleep” and i, in my very manic induced voice, yelled back “no! my LIFE is tired! my LIFE is t i r e d“. obviously, it was no secret that i didnt know how to manage the things in my life, let alone how i was reacting to them.

with this being said, i just dont like the idea of repeating history… its very counter-productive not to learn from your mistakes, or hey! if you have the opportunity… someone elses. i can feel the pace quickening.. and during this time, i need to make sure that im taking time to breathe. i need to make a set of daily goals, of which will hopefully help to keep me not only organized but also mentally focused and prepared for the day. i need to have a go-to guide for those moments when i feel like my head is going to pop off. i dont like the groove that things were in before, and i know that its going to take some discipline and direction and motivation to get out of those grooves and get into some new and healthier ones, but this is my perogative over the course of the next few months. thats what this semester was all about.. slowly getting back into school so that i could figure things out instead of just jumping in head on. i had thought it was about getting in to the groove of things, but i guess its not. its about getting out of the groove of things.

Strength and honor are her clothing

week 1: *sigh*

today was the first day of school, it was awesome :)

i woke up on time, with plenty of time to get ready, plenty of time to get my schedule and make it to my spanish class. the teacher wasnt there, lol. she finally showed up – and im pretty excited about the class. she reminds me of my french teacher in highschool, just her general level of enthusiasm.. love it. unfortunately though,.. i am going to have to buy a workbook. the online workbook that is provided upon purchase of the book(that i bought 2 years ago) expires 2 years after activation, hmph. and that awkward gap of time? today, was a great thing.. it gave me time to go untangle the last couple of things that almost always inevitably occur, buy my english book, complete my online ACA class info, and catch up on some blog reading :) then was english.. i lost track of time and was almost late, so of course when i get in class theres only one table left and thats at the front and center O_O crap. oh well… at least i like this teacher – and i was very surprised to see as many familiar faces in there from my last english class… which was 3 semesters ago. all in all? it was great – i forgot how much i liked this school,… that and how redneck it is!one thing that it has left me is all sorts of tired! haha,.. but in case you havent heard, its in my spirit to press on. so here i go, pressing on :)

Strength and honor are her clothing