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i received a phone call the other night at 3am.
Colossians 4:2Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
can i be completely absolutely ohso transparent right now? i have had a really difficult time sharing christ with the people who mean the most to me. why? maybe fear of being judged, fear of losing whatever relationship there may be even if its not one thats congruent in lifestyle, maybe bc the subject stirs up hostility in those who have a preconceived concept of Who God is… i dont know, but it is something that i am completely aware of and have been frequently discussing with God.
yesterday, at stage20, we talked about seizing opportunity. in my past, i have had somewhat of an attraction to “bad guys” and in any relationship that i have ever had, God was just not something that was discussed. odd, i know. i would find myself in the middle of a relationship with someone who did not share my same beleifs(im sure it didnt help at times, that i wasnt PRACTICING those beliefs) i would freak out, and detach. im rambling, i know – im trying to piece all of this together…
some may remember the guy that i was dating… while i was pregnant, i brought him to church once, revolution7 i think. why do people get placed in your lives? i am just not the type of person who believes in coincidence at all. unless its like, the fact that we both eat fruity pebbles on friday morning; no significance.. lol. it was him who called me. with probably a lot of useless junk to say, until he started crying to me like he doesnt know who he is anymore. and doesnt know where his life is going. he is so lost and so dependant on drugs and alcohol that he doesnt even know how to cope without them. he is searching and so so hurt. and it hurts me. the transparent part? i want to scream out to him, i want to reach out to him. i want to tell him Who will save him. and i am so scared to death. because he and i have went through this battle before. i have seen him breaking before, and so lost.
this may seem so random. it is. but i just cant get it out of my head, off of my heart. i want him to See so badly. just to stop hurting.
he said that he misses my honesty. im going to be honest, im going to pray that God may open a door and that i might make the most of this opportunity, siezing it. im going to pray and believe that he will come to church, beleive in the salvation of his soul.
one of the hardest things, i think, is being a single mom. props to anyone who stands up to this challenge. there is a devotional that i read, every SINGLE day and it is targeted to an audience of single mothers. it is probably one of the most helpful things that i read, outside of the bible of course, lol.
…i am so blessed that God lead me to such a place as Living Word. because of the people that God has brought into my life at this church, i dont have to stand up to this challenge alone. there is not a week that goes by that i dont receive direct support from SOMEBODY, ANYBODY who CARE and are willing to go out of their way to make sure that i feel supported and that tyy is taken care of… it means so much, and i just wanted to say so.
tyy has been growing and learning like crazy! he has begun to really learn the value in good actions and their positive rewards. he is eager everyday to be obedient and to receive the benefits of it. i am so excited, (like really, its almost uncontainable hahahh) God has done SO much in my life, in tyys life. goodness, its like it never stops! imagine that! woooo!
i have had a lot going on in my head lately, and have been focusing on trying to organize it all and execute things effectively instead of just chaotically, so i havent been posting a lot bc i just dont know how to get it out. even this post, ive had to re-write a couple of times bc i get off subject and ramble, lol — but im looking forward to having lots and lots of good things to post about within the next several weeks. :)
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