peace

some of you have heard me tell my latest favorite tyy story, i will save you the specific details since i am aware of how obnoxious it can be to hear a story, fifty milion times :D

but essentially i was rushing the other day, and tyy was approaching what could have been a very tempertantrum-like scene because he was not wanting to ‘rush along with me’

instead of responding in the manner of “COME ON TYY! i am in a hurry, and i need you to be in a hurry too! OBEY ME!” lol, because sometimes that can be a very comfortable way of approaching a child, from the parents perspective. because its so different to include the fact that they are their own little person, with their own feelings. and not wanting to rush is not him ‘not obeying’ particularly, just him not wanting to feel… rushed. you know? that anxious, uptight, stressed out way? how often do we do that, when ‘life beckons’. instead of just saying, “you know, my sanity is worth more than a few more seconds of productivity”

anyways. what i DID do however, is completely stopped myself(in all of my rushedness) and turned the situation around, by showing him some love, rather than non focused because life is moving too fast attention. we ended up spending the next 45 minutes together, just playing. and had quite the lovely evening at home.

i was reading, somewhere in timothy, in my amplified. and Jesus told a woman to be at peace. the amplified went on to describe ‘peace’ as being free from the distress that is caused by sin. and then today, as i was driving in my car. which by the way has to be one of my most most most favorite things to do, is driving on a warm sunny day with the windows down. its so relaxing, and…. is just my time to think. soooo, i was thinking. and thinking about how rested, and relaxed i felt. at that very moment. and thats when this thought hit me – how often do we not give God the opportunity to come in and bring peace, because we are living in anxiety? does that make sense? i know it does for me at least. when i am busy, and stressed out, pushing myself up a wall of impossibilities. there is no room in my mind for God to even squeeze in. but if we make the decision, to stop. just stop. thats what i need to do sometimes. just stop. just be. and God will bring the peace :)

lets talk about sex :-O

there were many things i was “going to blog” about today.

inertia, ‘pretending’ games with tyy, growth in God. but theres something else that i want to share with you… “people are afraid to get help from us to deal with them” this is something that Tammy said in her blog, concerning the topics of “Solo sex, porn, & homosexuality” — but i have to disagree. i think that people are afraid to get help from “us”(the christian Body) on more topics than only the ones tammy mentioned.

did i ever tell you how i got pregnant? well. aside from the obvious. lol

who knows where i would be able to pinpoint the exact beginning. but i began to let things into my life, that should have never been there. once i passed that obvious line of “shouldnt be doing this” i began to make justifications. before i even knew it, i was involved in an entirely other world than i ever wanted to be. and i still didnt even know it. constantly making excuses.

i completely believe in personal accountability. so i am not in the least trying to say that my decisions were the result of anyone else dropping the ball. but i see this direction in which our church is moving, with such an awesome student ministries pastor who can really relate to so many things that we are going through. we are becoming a place that offers answers, a non judgemental view, and most importantly. love.

God has a reason for everything. and he will use those 3 years of life, as part of my amazing testimony. have you ever heard the song “does anybody hear her” by the casting crowns — i cry almost everytime i hear it. because there is an entire generation, not just girls either. who are screaming. crying. their souls are desperate for someone to notice them, to give them, more than what they have found on their own. they need Jesus. God is going to use my 3 years, so that someone else. doesnt have to experience those 3 years.

third blogging topic ;)

tonight pmicah spoke on the subject of baggage.

i was very angry. even less than moments before pmicah began speaking. can you guess why? thats right, baggage. i wish i could explain more, the intensity of how insane the circumstances were. but this Word, was like a dagger into that anger. and who better to hear it from but the man who i respect the most? i dont think it would have had the same effect from anyone else. i dont know if i have anything else to say about that. but…. if you werent there, you should have been. it was really good.

this is something that God convicted me of today. gossip.

somewhere in my mind. i have justified my rantings to other people about people who have once hurt me. people who if they knew one another, it would be gossip. very straight and simple. yet i justified my rantings on the basis that these people did not know one another.

im pretty sure that sums it up. there is really no justification at all. gossip is gossip. “holding onto anger only hurts yourself” its so funny how you can hear something a thousand times. you can even know, full well a principle. and not apply it to your own life. not even realize that it applies. sometimes its unveiling the hurt that is the first step in dealing with it.